Day #5

The birthday week continues on...
About 4 weeks after I had Tyler, I was very excited to get back into singing. I scheduled a voice lesson with my teacher and since it was a rather far drive, I figured I would bring Ty and let him sleep during my lesson rather than be away from him for 3 hours. I have a lot of admiration and respect for this particular teacher. I found her to be very wise and insightful in all my lessons. Voice lessons can be more of a personal therapy session than just vocalizing. She knew how to reach into the very depth of my being as I expressed myself through each song. I think that is the reason why I was so taken back by her reaction to Tyler.

I was carrying him in a sling to help get him to sleep when I walked in the door. She was of course so excited to see the tiny baby and touch his little fingers. I studied her face. I knew she didn’t know. No one could tell by looking at him at that point. I didn’t have to tell her. I wanted to be brave. She was one of the first people I “tested out the water” with regarding Tyler. After a few moments I said, “We have learned that Tyler has Down syndrome.” Her whole countenance changed to a much darker and concerned expression. “Oh wow,” she said somberly, “that is going to be such a strain on you and your husband. I am so sorry.” I didn’t know how to respond. I was feeling especially positive and upbeat that day so I responded by saying, “My husband and I have been shocked about it, but we are actually really excited to raise him. I am not so sure it will be a negative thing.” She looked at me as though she didn’t believe one word of what I had said and then shot back with, “Well, I can tell you one thing. It is going to be the hardest on your other two children.” She didn’t say anything more but by the way she was staring at me and nodding her head, the only thing I could weakly utter back was, “I don’t know, we’ll see.”

That was a tough encounter for me; however, there was something really cool about it that I could have never explained to her. As soon as she said that last statement, instead of my heart sinking in pity for “poor” Josh and Maddie, the exact opposite emotion spoke to my heart. The spirit told me boldly and clearly, “She is wrong. Don’t you ever worry about Tyler being a burden and strain to Josh and Maddie. Do not concern yourself with those thoughts. Tyler will be one of their greatest joys.”

I knew that to be true then, I know now, and I foresee in the future that my children will love Tyler as deeply as Dave and I love him. I felt grateful to be strengthened through that rather harsh comment. My relationship with my Father in Heaven and His plan for his children has given me a more hopeful perspective. When I have encounters such as those, they are hard, but I feel a renewed love and confidence in my son that he is a tremendous blessing to my life as well as all those who will know him.