Older and a little frightening...
However, I will say that our photographer was quite good in this picture, aka: Joshua.
Three weeks ago, Dave and I started a 6 week marriage course through our church. The leaders of the session pick 4 or 5 different couples for each new session until every married couple has a chance to be involved if they choose. Dave and I went to our first class and after about 30 minutes we were all told to go into separate rooms and discuss and write down any "challenges" we are facing in our marriage. Dave and I got up to the quiet bedroom and we just stared at each other and laughed. We couldn't come up with anything. Let me explain why. As Dave put it, "I just don't feel that we have any problems in our relationship because we don't really have a relationship." Sounds horrible, but in many ways this is true. We have nothing to fight about because we are never around each other for a long enough time period. These days I feel that I truly never see him. The only thing we managed to write down on the paper was that our greatest challenge is finding time for our marriage. A few nights ago, at our third class, our teacher asked everyone to explain how our communication had been through out the week. Dave and I once again looked at each other and tried not to laugh. He held my hand and gave it a squeeze. When it got to us we both admitted that we truly felt like we hadn't talked to each other for the entire week. Not because we don't want to, and not because there is underlying tension, but rather, simply because I have not seen him. He does not have a cell phone, he can not talk regardless when he is at work or on call every 4th night, and time slips through our fingers when he walks in the door and is pulled in a million directions by the kids. We promised to do better this week.
This blog may sound as if I am complaining, however, that is not the case. I love my husband more than anything in the world. I would not trade him or anything about him. ANYTHING. I have loved Dave Orme fully and completely for over 10 years now. (And actually 13 years if I think back to high school.) I want to feel that I can write an honest post although I always worry that I may offend a reader. Sorry if I do.
I talked to my mom yesterday and she asked me about Dave. I told her about his hours and how hard this rotation is for him. She asked me if it was hard on me. I told her in all honesty, that "No, I am doing very well and so are the kids." She knew that I was telling the truth. I feel right now that my life is perfect. Yes, even in residency when I rarely get to spend quality time or any time with Dave. My life is still perfect. In Michigan and Indiana I have numerous friends and acquaintances that are in the same stage of life as me. Young kids at home, finances tight, missing their husbands, and just trying to "make it" through residency until "real life" begins. So often, the conversations lead into a feeling such as "whoa is me" or "life is unfair." Or there is a feeling of pity, resentment, anger or just frustration. (There are times when I feel it too.) More often than not, I feel that these wives want someone to complain with about "how hard" life is being married to a resident. I guess what I am trying to say is that it gets old. In fact, recently whenever I meet a girl who is married to someone who is NOT an aspiring doctor, I get so excited to talk all about another, ANY other profession outside of the medical field. Let's just say that I feel totally saturated with residents in our neighborhood and ward. Variety is good...and healthy! I have to remind myself that there is a world outside of medicine.
I am so grateful to be married to a highly motivated, hard working, compassionate individual who has chosen a field where he truly changes and blesses the lives of other people every day. I don't have to pull my husband off the couch to go find a job. I don't have to nag him to study or work harder. In fact, I don't think I EVER have told Dave to work harder at anything. He is the hardest worker I know. And I know exactly where he learned his work ethic. Thanks Geoff AND Lynnette! I don't have to push my husband to read his scriptures or go to church. I don't have to worry about him eating too many french fries and burgers at McDonald's. I don't have to drag him outside to get exercise or do something fun with the family. I don't have to worry about him looking at porn or flirting with other girls. I don't have to ask Dave (without the kids hearing) to watch his language or to try to show a little more love to them. I don't feel the need to ask for his help around the house, because when he is home, he helps without asking. I don't even have to ask Dave to take our dog out running. Dave gets that puppy energy out of Tucker at least 3 times a week with a 5 mile run. So tell me again why I should be complaining about how hard life is being married to a resident? I don't have a whole lot to complain about. (By the way, I know every resident has a different and/or more demanding schedule than Dave. Some wives probably have every right to complain about their husbands. I am just saying that I don't feel that I do. I have a million more things to be grateful for than whine about. I have to watch myself to make sure I don't fall into that negative mindset.)
When Dave first made the decision to be a Child Psychiatrist I didn't quite know what to think. "Is that going to be weird," I wondered? Psychiatrist's definitely have a certain stereotype associated with them. The more I have thought and thought and prayed and prayed about this decision he made, the more excited and convinced I am that he is pursuing the right thing. I am SO GRATEFUL he wants to help children in this way. This week at the gym I spent two hours in a room with an autistic child who clearly needed medical attention and medication. It made my heart break to see a child so perfect looking on the outside, but his mind was in a totally different place. These are the types of kids Dave will be helping. I felt even deeper sadness for this boys mother who seemed so lost as to know what to do with her child. Here in Indiana, you can be put on a year or two waiting list before having your child get into see a psychiatrist. There is a high high demand for good psychiatrists throughout the country and becoming more and more so every year.
Dave truly is my best friend in the whole world. For the two years he served his mission, it was kind of fun going out with guys while I attended Southern Utah University. After a few dates I would ask myself the golden question. "Does this guy compare with Dave?" Then I would check them off the list pretty quick. Nope. That was easy. One guy I was friends with/dating told me a few months before Dave got home, "Kristine, I just really hope I can meet this Dave guy. He sounds like he is superman." Yep, pretty much! I thought Dave was the most amazing guy back then, and now, 3 kids and 10 years later, I know that I only saw a small fraction of how rare and special and good he truly is.
I love you Dave. I can't wait to go out on a real date with you tonight! (He is on call tomorrow for Valentine's Day. Poor me.)
Love,
Kristine with a "K"
7 comments:
loved the post Kristine! the other night there was a discussion panel of couples in the residency phase. it was all so negative! i left feeling so depressed! this was refreshing to hear. happy vday you love birds!
Loved your post, as always.
way to accentuate the positive Kristine. Keep it up, it's contagious.
Wow. Your feelings for Dave, and the history you share together is so touching. It reminds me a lot of myself and Adam. You two are wonderful. I agree with everything you said. It was honest and inspiring.
Woops, that comment that "Adam" made is actually from me- Amy!
That was an awesome post, thanks for sharing. I agree with you about residency, a) that there are a lot of husbands with a worse schedule than my husband's, and b) that it hasn't been as bad as I was worried it would be. It's awfully nice to have a husband who wants to work hard and be great at his job.
I smiled and chuckled through your whole post. Though my hubby's not going though residency, spending 5 1/2 out of 6 married years with my hubby in school, I know exactly what you're describing. http://soaringcrowes.blogspot.com/2010/01/life-of-producers-wife.html
My recent post also was also intended without a morsel of complaint, but to describe a situation where a wife can be perfectly happy in allowing her husband to be the best he can be, even if it means spending hours and away from each other!
When I was a missionary, a mother of six happily told me of her husband getting called to Church leadership positions very early in their marriage. When he would get calls in the middle of the night, she would simply and confidently say, "Go. I'll hold down the fort."
I've worked to implement that mentality in my marriage from the beginning. A happy marriage to me is where each spouse encourages the other to fly. Then it's a happy choice to come back to the nest because you want to.
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