A new experience

Look at those three. I want to share some thoughts and experiences I have had in the last week. Last Wednesday I went to a new play group. I have been to several different kinds of playgroups set up by the church, mom's organizations, medical school student's wives, and neighborhood groups, but this play group was unlike any of these. All of the mothers had one thing in common. We each have a child who is "different." I don't know why I have been reflecting so much on this experience all week. I guess I simply felt surprisingly strange being in this new environment; realizing that I do fit in with these moms. I am in the same boat.
Last week Tyler started his physical therapy and occupational therapy. I only have the very best things to say about the people who work at this special needs school. They are beyond kind, and I can not imagine a better put together program and facility. However, I was not prepared for some of the feelings that arose as I watched them with my son. For the first time in my life I felt that someone else was the expert of my child. As I watched them marking charts and filling out paperwork on what he could and couldn't do, on what his strengths and weaknesses were, and on what kinds of progress I could expect. They took him out of my hands and discussed him in a language I could not understand. I felt as if he was their new "project" in front of them. ( I don't really think they look at it like this at all, but those were my feelings.) I guess I have always felt confident in my ability to raise and take care of my children. "Mother knows best." I do not overly worry about Josh and Maddie's milestones, or compare them to what other children can do. But last week as they did their assessment of Tyler, I felt awkward watching someone else show me how to help him. As if I am no longer the expert on my own child. Let me clarify again that I do not believe they could have done a better job with talking with me and being sensitive to my feelings. It is just the reality that is hard.
Three days after Tyler's first therapy session, I went to this playgroup with about 10 other babies and toddlers within the Grosse Pointe area who all have disabilities. Once again, I felt so out of my natural environment. I am so used to a typical playgroup where all the children are, for the most part the same. I know they are not the same, but they are all healthy, developing at the same level. They are normal. I know what kinds of things to expect from normal two yearolds and three yearolds.
This group of leaders conducting this playgroup were so over the top positive and happy, but underneath it all, all I could feel was sadness. Some children had severe, severe problems, and others looked like they might one day fit in with regular children. The only question I really wanted to ask the other mom's is, "So, what is wrong with your son? Tell me about it." But you can't really do that. And here I am, holding my sweet little baby. He never cries, never gets scared when a stranger takes him, smiles at everyone, laughs when you tickle him, and gets excited when he hears everyone singing and playing. After walking away from that experience, the attribute of Tyler's that I never want to take for granted again is his smile. Half of the children in that group don't smile. They are scared. They look unhappy. They don't smile. How would that be to have a child who doesn't smile at you? Tyler has the most lovable grin I have ever seen. He smiles all day long. I think his smile is what makes me the happiest every day.
Today was my second day at the playgroup. It still felt weird. Not as weird though. Maddie has been coming with me too and I know she senses something different in the children. Maddie is the most social outgoing kid I know, but in this setting, she keeps to herself and is more unsure of how to act. It is always a good thing to be forced to get out of our comfort zones, and I am truly grateful for these teachers and programs designed to help give Tyler the very best start possible. I obviously have a lot of growing to do as well.

Too bad Tyler isn't smiling in this picture, but his older brother and sis sure love him.